Sunday, October 03, 2004

Hey Egon, Remember That Time You Tried To Drill That Hole In Your Head?

In some ways, actually in many ways, my brain seems to spontaneously act as a human tape recorder, picking up whatever random signals float to my ears and playing them back in my head at the least opportune moments. Sports talk radio, in particular, seems to create most virulent species of these, likely due to nature of their audience.

In Boston, this frequently manifested itself in the form of the 1-800-54-GIANT song, so often found on Red Sox broadcasts. The least annoying of all of them, I still have fond memories of that one and, in fact, hearing it in Boston last weekend brought more than one smile to my face.

Last year during Mets games, the two most catchy jingles were the Foxwoods lounge singer (I'm not alone on this one) and, to a lesser extent, the Gotta' Go To Mo's, Modell's Sporting Goods ditty.

This year, however, brings us a jingle far more insidious and far more horrible. It's one thing to wander around singing about windshields, casinos, or sports wear, understandable for any self-respecting guy.

Singing about toilet paper, however is just downright mortifying. Especially when the actual commercial features a group of insufferably adorable animated bears.

Yes, on more than one occasion, I have gotten up, pre-coffee, jumped in the shower, and found myself humming that %&#$*(@ Charmin Ultra Song that been played ad nauseum on WFAN this year (you can both listen and, *gulp*, watch the abomination here). It combines the infectiousness of the nastiest computer virus with a forceful reactionary dry heave, the kind you normally only associate with a Sterling and Steiner broadcast.

I can't stop it either. If you want to listen to the Mets on the radio, you hear it at least once an inning and if it's a blowout with multiple pitching changes, you'll be singing the praises of Charmin Ultra for the rest of the day. See it's more cushiony than ever before....Ahhhhhh, for the love of god, make it stop!


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